Have you ever found yourself spiraling in worry about something you wish you could change—but can’t? Maybe it’s someone else’s behaviour. Or a decision that’s already been made. Or the general feeling that life is moving faster than you can catch up.

When we’re overwhelmed, our minds tend to scatter—trying to control everything, reacting instead of responding. That’s where one of my favourite tools comes in: the Circles of Control.

Here’s how it works. Draw three circles—like a target.

  •  In the centre: What I Can Control
    Think: your actions, attitude, mindset, and where you put your energy.
  •  Middle ring: What I Can Influence
    This might include your routines, relationships, how you communicate, or boundaries you set.
  •  Outer ring: What’s Outside My Control
    The past. Other people’s opinions. World events. The economy. Your child’s teenage mood on a Monday morning (let’s be real).

Now pick a current challenge or stressor in your life, and map it out. What sits in each circle? What are you carrying that doesn’t actually belong to you?

Why It Works (and What Neuroscience Says)

This is more than a nice journaling prompt. It’s a nervous system regulation tool. When we clarify what we can actually do something about, the brain calms down. Ambiguity and helplessness trigger the stress response; clarity and agency reduce it. You're no longer fighting the ocean—you’re finding your oar.

It also helps shift us from reactive states (fight, flight, freeze) to more grounded, thoughtful responses. That’s the sweet spot where good decisions, deeper connection, and creativity live.

A Tool to Revisit, Not Just Use Once

Here’s the thing: these circles aren’t fixed. What feels outside your control today might shift tomorrow. A relationship that once felt like a dead end could become more open after a brave conversation. A stressful work situation might shift once you change your approach or expectations.

So don’t file this tool away after one use. Keep it in your back pocket. Use it when you’re anxious. Use it when you’re about to have a hard conversation and you need to remember what’s yours—and what’s not.

A Final Thought: This Is About Energy

Where you put your energy shapes your emotional landscape. So ask yourself: Is this thought, this worry, this action—helping me move forward or keeping me stuck?

The Circles of Control exercise invites you to make that decision with compassion and clarity.

Next time you feel like everything is too much—grab a pen, draw three circles, and come back to yourself. You might be surprised how much lighter you feel.